Pardon me, #tbt2017. The reason I post this picture because I wanted to share with all of you that the day before my 27th birthday, which is exactly on #ChristmasEve I’m very grateful that was the last time I ended my worst nightmare.

In 2015, I had my very first panic attack while I was driving back from San Francisco to the bay area. It started with my heart racing then continue with chest pains and difficulties in breathing feels like I’m out of breath and thought I would collapse. As I tried to drive home safely, in the middle of my drive, I have to stop. I wasn’t aware at that time it was a panic attack. I don’t feel like talking about it with my relatives, my friends, or even seek a professional. Until I realised, I can’t handle it anymore.

What triggers my panic attack? Am I going insane? Will I survive? I’m not suicidal, but will I try to hurt myself?

Since I don’t want to share my problem with the people I love, I started to do some research. With my symptoms, I ended up to have a panic attack. I remembered the very first thing when I did my research, and it was the best thing to talk about it with someone (family, friends, and professional) to let it out of my chest. So I took the risk and started to tell my closest friends about my panic attack.

The worst part was when someone you knew for a long time laughed about it and thought it was a joke, and it worsens me. Until one day, some of my friends talked to me about their problems, and we found out that we have something similar. They told me to seek professional help, and I did.

Going through the first session wasn’t easy, cause I never really like to show my weakness and problems to others. I tend to keep it on my own, until I learned that was the reason I burst my emotion, through a panic attack and anxiety. Since I know I wanted to get better and wanted to learn how to treat myself; I learned how to be open with my therapist and some of my closest friends that support me all the way.

I’m thankful that I keep strong headed and trust myself that everything will be alright. Having positive people surround me is very important! It helps and directs to a happy, productive, healthy and positive life. Remember, nobody is perfect and don’t ever feel ashamed of what you’ve been through. Screwed the people who make fun of your symptoms and the people who gave negative vibe into your life. Life is full of colours, that’s why never feel sorry or ashamed to seek professional help, trust me everything will be better!